It is no wonder therefore, Evian is The Official Bottled Water of The Championships, Wimbledon. Its purity makes it the choice of champions.

Even ignoring the gross misuse of the English language, what a load of crap. It’s the “choice of champions” (and losers) because you spent a buttload of money to sponsor the tennis. They’re not allowed any other water bottle on the court. That doesn’t make it a choice.

Also, your water isn’t more pure because it’s “been filtered for 15 years through the pristine heights of the French Alps” (the pristine heights? What does that even mean?) It’s got a lot of minerals in there specifically because of that fact, making it less pure.

Let’s finish off with their strapline, “Live Young”, which means absolutely nothing at all. Presumably they mean “live youthfully”, which has shit all to do with drinking bottled water.

(You do have a good bottle design, though.)

Who said that?  Who said that?  WHO SAID THAT?  YOU SAID THAT!  YOU SAID THAT!  WHO SAID THAT?

They’ve been going at it for a good 30 minutes with no sign of letting up.  Impressive.  I even gave them a dirty look as I shut the window, but to no avail.  They really are quite screetchy.  Maybe if they smoked less neuroactive stimulant they’d be a) less angry or b) just as angry but at least not outside.

Happy birthday Sarah! (Clarification: she is neither fat nor loud.)